I just got off the phone with my cousin. Technically she’s a cousin by marriage, but to me she’s simply my cousin. When I first married my husband, the welcome wagon did not exactly come rolling up to my door. except for his cousin Carol and her mom, Helen. They were the two who quietly took me aside and gave me the 411.
I was very lucky to have them both in my life. Even though we didn’t live close by, we still managed to see them once a year and keep up with regular phone calls, and the relationship blossomed.
Sadly, Carol has just been placed in hospice. After talking with her or rather me talking and her listening, it is apparent she has hours to live. I hope that they are keeping her Very comfortable and passing will be as peaceful as possible. I not sure that will be happening, but I am hoping so.
As I spoke with Carol, I found myself wondering what was going through her mind. Was she wandering back through the memories we had just revisited, or was she facing the possibility that the next time she drifted into sleep, she might not wake again? That she might not see me, or hear my voice, or share another laugh with me. Was she sad or resigned?
I imagine that at the edge of life, your thoughts might center around the people you’ll miss, the moments you wish you could stretch just a little longer. And maybe, too, you think about the ones you’ve already lost, the ones you might soon be joining.
This life may be drawing to a close, but I keep thinking of something I once read: that death isn’t an ending so much as a turning of the page, a quiet step towards another level of being.
I live in a 55+ community. It wasn’t my first choice for retirement living, not because it isn’t a wonderful place, but because I’m surrounded by people who, like me, are getting a little older. Aging has a way of reminding you that there are more years behind you than ahead, and the body doesn’t always cooperate with the plan. You do the things you’re supposed to do, exercise, eat well, try to stay healthy. But in the end, it feels like your body just shrugs and carries on with its own agenda.
So here we are, all of us doing our best to outsmart our own biology. Some days we win, some days our knees win. But at least we’re in good company.